For some reason Sunday Mornings tend to be my favorite time of the week. I live for the way the sun looks like in the sky, the way the light touches everything and the way whole world seems to be at a standstill. I love and live for this time every week. My Sunday morning ritual consists of watching my favorite Youtubers (currently old Clothes Encounters and Candice VanWye videos), listening to some sick tunes, watching the birds in the sky flock back and forth from my window, reading and of course making a BOMB breakfast. Oh yeah! and let me not forget tea, lots and lots of tea! I love my me time and this routine does the trick to making me feel rejuvenated and ready to take on the day. Let me know what routines you do to unwind, enjoy the moment and be more present 🙂
You have always been beautiful
Whether or not the world could see it
Welcome to 2017! Last year came with a lot of accomplishments and changes and tough times, but I am so ready to move forward into 2017. Running list of 2016: decided to dedicate ,more of myself to this blog, graduated with my masters, was jobless, found a job, lost a job, was jobless again, had one of the funnest summers, built great friendships with amazing people, made the decision to be authentic and live fearlessly, found a job I love, moved into my own apartment, ordered my first big girl bed lol, filed for incorporation for my organization, got my first article feature, when on my first solo trip to Miami, travelled to Chile and fell in love with Valparaiso. Idk what’s next (well I have a little bit of a clue) but definitely two things that I want to meditate on this year are self love and being present. I’m so proud of the woman I am becoming and am ready to continue the work that was started in previous years and continue to grow and learn and love more. Cheers to the New Year!!
Well this title is a bit dramatic lol. I actually had the intro to the old Aaliyah song “Try Again”stuck in my head when I was typing that (trust me it sounded better with the beat and the backdrop lol) But it’s has been a while, and I just wanted to pop in and say hello I am still here, still milling over new posts, new directions and new ideas. I love this outlet and in these crazy social, political, emotional, etc. times I think it’s more important than ever to maintain a sense of authenticity in all that I. Speaking my truth is important and is essential in anything that I pour myself into. And trust I pour myself into this blog.
That all being said, I do have more than just a theoretical excuse as to why I have been gone, I started a new job, dug myself out of a little mini depression and am starting to take the slow but necessary steps to reclaiming ownership over my life. But that brings me to an interesting thought about being lost, or at least feeling lost. This past year has been such a struggle and I don’t anyone who actually knows me would have known that. I’ve never been so financially and emotionally insecure and vulnerable in my life. Having graduated from graduate school and struggling to find work, fighting feelings of not even wanting to go to work, to dreading work, to missing home, to losing my job, to not knowing how I was going to pay rent, to feeling like everyone is moving forward except me, to fighting feelings of loneliness, to not knowing what I wanted in life, to accepting my struggle, learning to rewrite my life on my own terms, to fucking the idea of perfection, to excessive day drinking, to drawing out my dreams and committing to myself. Yeah, it has been one hell of a year and it’s not even over yet…
But to get back to this idea of being lost, I’m learning to accept ambiguity of my desires and my own internal compass. The burden of the world doesn’t have to lay on my shoulders, all I can do is give things my best and that’s it. A huge part that played in my feelings of lostness was because I was focusing all my attention outwardly on what others were doing, or what gaps in the world that I needed to fill, or in what ways can I shift my desires/actions to fit into this idea of me that I thought other people had. I was trying to mold myself into another’s image, instead of creating myself and morphing my life into an image that I crafted for myself. It took a lot of failure, rejection and generally just being really unhappy for me to learn that lesson. But I’m glad I did. Better late than never right?
All I have to say is, in life nothing is ever what it seems and it’s never too late to start all over again. This has been the year of redrawing the starting line, rerouting the track, saying fuck it to the finish line, and becoming one with my futon. I hope you understand.
P.S.- Because I’m a sap for these things and this video perfectly sums up what my inner mantra has been 🙂
Hello! So this week has been airy… I don’t know exactly how to describe and that seems like the best word to come to mind. I’m still mulling, meditating and healing. Trying to formulate the next post, but in the interim I have an old post from my old (and first) blog, is called My Authentic Cliche. Not to toot my own own but I am rather impressed with my level of reasoning and depth of thought from back then. It’s reminicising and going back into my past and seeing things like this that encourage me to never give up on myself now. I’ve come to far and I have too much brilliance and light to just give up on myself or my dreams. I hope you all enjoy.
I hope your week has been nothing short of productive and amazing. Here I go with another Life Lesson. I don’t know if I want this to be a weekly thing or not but so far it has been. (Just a heads up if I skip a week or two down the line)
So as a growing young adult who is constantly learning and experiencing new things everyday, I find that this forces me reevaluate and read`just my new and old relationships, because frankly I am no longer a child. As someone who is a first generation child living in the United States I find that the way I live my life. Or better yet the level of independence in which I live my life is something that is very different from how the generation before me lived. Often the stereotyped mentality that they perceive a woman should embody is very different from the mentality that I posses.
Consequently, this difference leads to a lot a tension, retaliation, defensiveness and criticism on the part of the older generation, especially parents.
In my constant attempt to live an authentic life and to always, without shame, be myself, because I do feel like being one’s self is something that is an ever evolving work in progress. I, on the receiving end of much of this backlash end up feeling unsupported and unloved by the people who are supposed to love me the most. It’s hard because I know for many immigrant families success is something that is so closely tied to achieving the American Dream and monetary wealth, so in their way pushing me to reach for that is how they show their love. But as I am here on this earth, living in the present, going through my life, struggling and at times succeeding in finding my way, what I feel I need the most now is not someone to yell and criticize me twice a day everyday. What I need is someone to love and support me just as I am, and not state to only be proud of me for the wealthy person they hope I will be in the future.
I know this life lesson is seeming a lot like a sob story of my life, but let me turn this around. I think one’s early 20’s is time for exploration and real self discovery. And I’m not downing constructive criticism, because I welcome that and actually feel like that is very important. I am however, downing treating a 20-something year old like a child and constantly trying to control and manipulate them into living a certain way. And I am promoting that, at this point in their lives the most important thing a person needs is love. Just the thought that the people who are supposed to love you, do in fact love you for who you are (whether or not they agree with every choice) with all your imperfections is crucial and is probably the best thing you can give a person at any age.
I understand though that for some families this type of unconditional love is just too much to ask for. For those of you who are in this situation I would say that you have to learn to love and support yourself and become your own biggest cheerleader. It sounds hard but the best strength I believe comes from within. And for many of us learning to love ourselves, despite our difficulties and setbacks, is a highest right of passage.
I know this wasn’t as cheery as some of you are used to but it’s what I was compelled to write about today. Hopefully, this resonates with some of you and helps you deal with whatever situation that you might be experiencing. I promise there are happier post to come!
Best wishes to all!