So there is this really great quote that goes, “It’s all about love. We’re either in love, dreaming about love, recovering from it, wishing for it or reflecting on it.” I don’t know who wrote it, but it feels so true. And because the title of this blog is Love and -Isms I thought it would be completely disserving if I did not write about the illusiveness of love today. But it’s not the type of love that you might be accustomed to reading about… this is more of a stream of consciousness type of thing:
My dream is to create something that is beautiful and that is an honest expression of my inward self. This goal, this dream, this thing has put me on this insatiable quest of love; love for myself, love for what I do and a love for where I am. To find this, I have been asking myself who am I? What do I want? What makes me happy? And the ever so difficult task of parsing apart the normative social construct of what life is supposed to be, and replacing with my own pieces of self. In short, it really has been an emotionally exhausting task.
This journey of self discovery, self understanding and subsequently purpose has been brought with it much uncertainty and fear. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’m sitting here with a white board in front of me trying to plan out my next move and outside of knowing where I want to live, very little else is coming easy to me. I just don’t know. All I want is to live a life that is full of love, beauty, and creation and I just don’t know how to get to it. Love is elusive and life is elusive, but I think that is the point. You’re not suppose to know it all , it’s apart of the journey. Every twist, turn, and point of confusion; chizzles away at superficiality. And if anything, all of this is guided by love.