You Haven’t Been Forgotten

So to preface, I wrote this about 5 months ago. It was two months before I graduated from graduate school and interestingly enough I still struggle with the same sentiments. But it such a relevant post I’m deciding to put this up now. So much has happened between now and then. But that’s another story for another day. I hope you enjoy this Conscious Stream. 

Okay, so it has been far too long since I have posted, and for that I apologize. I have been beyond busy. This whole finishing graduate school and figuring out what I will be doing afterwards thing has gotten the best of me and my time. But speaking of entering the “real” world, which by the way is a term that I wholeheartedly reject, because it’s all the real world isn’t it? Anyways, something that I have been actively struggling with is this notion how do I balance, passion, with service, with creativity, with travel, with stable income; all while not giving into this “slave wage system”. I’ve been looking at job descriptions lately and just feeling so damn unmotivated and in some ways actively resistant to plan my future after graduation. Which, is foolish and even in some cases dangerous, or not…

I have two months until graduation and I have no desire to be a slave to work or even get stuck in the rut of being in excessive exhaustion due to work. I clearly recognize that this is not the life for me, and yet I see it is so common. Almost all of my supervisors seem to be burnt out and exhausted from the work they do, and it’s not just some type of light exhaustion, it’s this deep, achy, beaten down exhaustion, that results from constantly putting into a system that really gives you nothing in return. That is the Millennial Struggle, how do we exist within a corrupt and exploitative capitalist system as workers without completely loosing our shits? Working a typical 9 to 5 will never fully satisfy your economic needs unless you work in a high need industry (sometimes), and even then if you are a conscious (woke) person the likelihood of you enjoying or even feeling fulfilled by that type of work is little to none.

I think that’s why I feel so frustrated when I see all these programs for disadvantaged youth, yeah they pay okay, but the problem is never addressed by teaching youth to be coders. You can’t solve issues of racial marginalization and systemic poverty, which are largely produced by capitalism and white supremacy, by teaching youth “in-trend” “competitive” skills. Don’t get me wrong, having a varied STEM skill set is important, but that’s not the crux of the problem. “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house,” as Audre Lorde would say. There is just so much more to these things. And by the way, I’ve noticed that there are a lot of service organizations that take on such a Western/white approach to solving problems; let’s not address history or the root of the problem, let’s just teach you skills that will make you just like us, without giving you any of the real tools or vocabulary to address the issues that are going on in your own communities. And honestly, that is just how I see a lot of these youth outreach organizations.

And it’s like i want to work with people and youth in a transformative way that sparks resistance and a thirst for truth and knowledge in a way that supersedes the monotony of typical education system. I mean, I’m well aware that makes me a dreamer and radical in some sense, and that is exactly why I find it so hard to even find or look for jobs. I want to engage in work that stirs consciousness and creates a thirst for liberation. I want to engage in work that corrects the deep subversion that is our education system, our labor system, etc. I want to do work that makes me feel and is where I do not have to separate my personal from my political. So yeah, again I apologize for being gone for so long, I’ve had/have some personal ish to sift through.


Until next time….


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